Million Ways to Die: Cesspool(Batman/Punisher)
by CBlanton
Summary: Frank Castle returns to Gotham. Part One of a Multiple part story.


Six Million Ways...

By Chris Blanton

  


_Batman_ and any associated terms or characters are the property of DC Comics and it's parent companies.

_The Punisher_ and any associated terms or characters are the property of Marvel Comics and it's parent companies.

This _story _ is my creation and I own it. This story is written as a nonprofit exercise and is not intended to infringe upon the aforementioned companies' copyrights.

  


"There once was a man. A man who went to war. A heroic man.

Then he died. Frank Castle died and the Punisher was born.

He came home and was reborn, he thought his war was done.

Then, on one beautiful day, he died again.

Frank Castle is dead and the Punisher will Live forever.

The Guilty will be punished."

  


"There was once a boy who saw the worst thing.

That boy lost his parents and he died. Something dark and sinister 

was born to right the wrongs of Gotham City.

Bruce Wayne never existed, he is but a dream. 

Gotham is The Batman's."

  


Chapter One: Cesspool

_"Six Million Ways to Die-_

_Choose One."-Snoop Doggy Dog "Serial Killa"_

  


__War Journal Entry

The Joker has went too far. He baited me with that gassing in Grand Central. He knows what he's doing because he's crazy not stupid.

Same here. I'm crazy, not stupid. I know what he wants. He wants me to come to Gotham. I'll be a nuisance to his precious Batman because he can't handle the war. But Joker has to get his dietary supplement of lead.

Batman told to worry about what would happen if I ever came back to Gotham. Well, I coming to _your cesspool,_Batman.

Heaven help us all.

* * *

Gotham

I fly with that eerie grace that scares so many people. Traveling through my city and patrolling my streets. Protecting my citizens. 

I heard a crash over in a alley. Standard stuff--

"Heeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!!!!"

I rush to the alleyway. Sneak in the shadows. I observe before action.

I see two men. A tall and muscular man in a trenchcoat holds the screamer up against the wall. Screamer looks scared, almost as scared as last time I shook him for info. Screamer is a good informant by the name of Shamrock. I don't recognize the man in the trenchcoat though. Shamrock doesn't appear to be in any immediate danger so I listen.

"Okay, screaming boy, wha'cha know about Joker?"asks Trenchcoat.

Shamrock says,"I don't know anything."

Wrong answer. Trenchcoat slams Shamrock against the wall. "Okay, that jog you memory any?"

"Joker isn't in Gotham anymore,"stammers Shamrock.  
Wrong answer again, you have to be a little rough with Shamrock. I think I'll stop Trenchcoat after the next exchange.

Trenchcoat puts an end to that thought. He's pulls out a knife and puts it to Shamrock's throat. 

Well, that means it's time for me to go into action. "Let him go and put the knife down."

Amazingly, Trenchcoat sheaths the knife and then throws Shamrock down. Maybe this won't be as bad as it could be. Trenchcoat turns to me and I kill that thought with one look. It's going to be bad. I'm looking at a symbol that only means one man has came to Gotham.

The Punisher is in Gotham.

"Castle, I told you not to come back to Gotham!"

"Well, Batman, you should keep your problems in Gotham so they don't become my problems in New York."

Of course, I know what he's talking about. 20,000 smiling corpses.

"Still, if he's in Gotham, he's my problem, Castle. I give you one chance, leave **my** city now!"

"Not in the program, Batman, you don't have the stomach for the **War**. Joker's never gonna murder another person before I leave Gotham."

I feel like I've been punched. Hard. Me, not have the stomach for the War? I wonder if this is how I make the other heroes feel when I tell them their ways are too light. _No, I'm not like Castle. He's a psycho._

I punch Castle. Then he kicks me, hard and in the groin. That's a first time. I shutter and groan but I don't go down. _Can't show weakness_, I chant it as a mantra in times like this.

I gather myself and look around. _Where's Castle?_

How'd he do that to me?

* * *

War Journal

I met the Bat again. Same guy as last time. I'm happy about because the one with the claws might not have been _distracted_ quite as easily with _my equalizer_. 

Still, I didn't get what I wanted out of Shamrock. 

Well, I saw this bar. I going to see if they know anything in there.

* * *

It's midnight. It's kind of funny. That the Bat and I both work at night. I remember what the Joker said. He thought something similar to my family's murder had happen to him. 

If that's true, I'm sorry for him. I hope he got his revenge.

The bar is one of those out of the way places. A complete sewage holding tank.

Just what I need.

I make sure that the trenchcoat is closed but easily opened before I enter. The bartender glaces at me and goes back to his work. A couple of patrons do the same.

"You know that Punisher is in town," I hear it across the room. B-i-n-g-o

I walk over to the table where I hear my name. Be diplomatic, Frank. If he's dead or out, I can't find anything out, Can I?

"You hear about the Punisher, huh?"

"Oh yeah, word on the street is he's after Joker. The Bat's looking for both of them."

Great.

"Hear anything about the Joker?"

"Maybe, maybe not. You got a interest in the Joker, huh?"

Perfect. I picked the right one. My luck's improving. I reach in my pocket and produce some money. I look at the pigeon and he's getting sort of white. I get the sudden urge to turn around.

But I don't get the chance. I get smashed on the back of my head. I feel a little woozy, like I've been drink that gutrot that this place serves. Then, I get hit in the head again with (I don't know I could be exaggerating) a wrecking ball. It gets a little dark.

* * *

"Is our guest awake, Marvin?"

"I think so, boss."

I open my eyes. I know that voice but he must be behind me. All I see is a big thug. Scratch that, a huge thug. 

"Hahahaha!" comes from behind me. 

Yes, I know who is behind me. I guess he found me. Too bad for him. 

"Castle, my second favorite nuisance." 

The clown walks into my view. Tall and lanky. His trademark purple suit fits him well. That deadly flower in his lapel. And his face.

The only thing worse than Joker's cracked mind is his face. Pasty white, white beyond any color. His ruby lips, always plucked up in a smile. His green mid-length hair. His eyes are emeralds that betray that smile on his face. His eyes are what reveals his madness every time.

I look into those eyes. I expect hatred and I see respect. I see that "puppy love look" that he gives Batman when he tries to kill him. I guess I should be honored.

"Well, Frank. I should say it's good to see you again. But I have to do one thing first."

Joker pulls out a gun. It looks like a gag gun but I know that would be stupid. Just because it looks like a flag should pop out when he pulls the trigger doesn't mean one will. He points in my face.

"Last time I saw you, you stuck a gun in my face, right? So, I need to return the favor."

"Shoot me, come on, shoot me!" I scream at him. I know his kind, this is a big game. He isn't at war.

"What would be the fun in that?" he asks,"You know me, Frank, almost as well as I know you."

"What's that suppose to mean?" I ask and genuinely so. I want to know what the comedian is thinking.

"We're both crazy, Frank. I'm a little different in the way I express myself. I gotta a theory, Frank. I used to think the world was one big hallucination that Bats and me shared. But know what I think now?"

"What do you think?"

"It's a threesome! You, me, and Bats. No one else could be real!"

I shifting. I feel my wrist knife cut into the bonds. Keep him talking Frank. "Yeah, is that true?"

Bingo. One more second and I'll splatter that mook.

"Crash!!"

Next Issue: "Guess Who?"


End file.
